This is it. This is it now. Here it is. Find it. Seek it. Those who seek. Those who look. Those who find. Ths is it. That is it. It is here. Finding. Seeking. Guessing. Of all the people at all the times. Times that flow. Times passing. Relentlessly is too hard. It is none of those things. It holds insecurity. It holds objectives. It holds determination. Relentlessly is too hard. It is none of those things. It is. It is here. It is seeking. It is finding. It is looking. It is none of those things. The sun's coming up. The sun's not coming up. it is dawn. When it is dawn. When it is dawn later. When it is dawn later to sit wishing here for remember. I tried to explain to somebody that it was here and it was not here. It was today. It could not be today. You can draw me. I cannot be drawn. It is not. It is, if you stand by the side of the road it will pass you by in a car. If you fly in an airoplane, leave a lifejacket ready for it. In the bonfire it is the ashes and the light. You can take it. You cannot take it by force. I can give it. I cannot give it by force. It is the pacifist and his aggression. I explained it with words. Words which are vertical and horizontal. I explained that. I did not explain that. There are words. There are no words.
We are not what you take us for. Why do you take us. Why do you take us for fools. Why do you take fools to you. It takes a very long time. It takes a very long time and a great deal of repetition. It takes it all. It takes a great deal of words. It takes a great deal of words and a very long time. To finally say something that is nothing takes a very long time and a lot of repetition. It takes no time at all. It is not even said the first time. It is something that is nothing.
Looking back I saw somebody who was very selfconscious. Very aware of self. Very concerned. Aware of what they were doing. Self aware and selfconscious of being self aware. I saw it but did not want to see it then when I saw it. It is graded and sorted and stacked in its place for future reference. When there is a mist the grass becomes much greener.
It must be like nursing old people. They can approach an end kicking and screaming. They can grow old and pathetic. They can fight it cannot be fought finally. It has to be allowed to die. It has to be allowed to go away with dignity. It must be like nursing the elderly. It must be allowed to pass with dignity. Finally it must be allowed to be gone. To be completely gone. To be nothing. It must be allowed to go with dignity. To be gone completely. It cannot be brought back. It must be allowed to go with dignity and integrity. It must be like nursing the elderly. The passage of time must be like nursing the elderly. Finally it has to be allowed to go with dignity. Now is now and is now then. It has passed. The moment passed. It must be allowed to pass. To pass with dignity. To pass with distinction or to pass imperceptibly. It must be allowed to pass completely. It cannot be held by threads. That is not the moment. That is the shreds of the moment. The threads. They have to be released. Every single moment has to be released. Allowed to go with dignity. It must be allowed to pass. It must be like nursing the elderly. The time comes. The time comes when the time has gone. Untie the knots, braek the bonds. Discard the threads. Unclasp the hands. Each moment. Each mment. Each moment by moment somebody releases it. Allows it to go. There is no time. There is no time. There is no time that can be held. If once you take it firmly in you hand you know it is dead. It has to be released. Allowed to escape. To be gone. To be nothing. To be nothing real.
Let me go. Let me go now. Let me go away. Go. Go now. Go away.
A load of timber arrived at my front door that was not for me. It was a lost load of timber. It did not know where it was going. Was it coming to me? It didn't know. It was lost. In the end I telephoned to its source to find out where it was to go. It did not know. Finally it wanted a house on the north ide of the hill. The wild side of the hill. A load of timber to tame the wild side of the hill. It will take more than that, but at least now they will know where to deliver it. This happened. As fast as it came it went. It was gone. It was nothing. So it is here. It is nothing so it is here. The same things are repeated over and over again. It takes a long time before they are finally nothing. Even when they start out as nothing it takes a very long time and a lot of repetition before they are finally nothing.
It was a dark night. It was a slow dark night. There was time both to read and to not read. It has been a very long timwe since there was such time to read and it was nice to have it. It was very nice to have it. It might yet become a good habit to have once a week. A good time to read. A lot can be achieved in a long time. So much it can almost be nothing.
I spoke to somebody and I explained that there were things, and that there were spaces between things. That there were spaces, and that there were things between the spaces. Some of the problems were in the things. And some of the problems wereb in the spaces. The problems in the things had to be solved in the things. The problems in the spaces had to be solved in the spaces. Usually problems in spaces are more difficult to understand, so they are given solutions in the things. They cannot solve the problems in the spaces. They sugar coat them. They make the problem pill palatable to swallow. Now it can be accepted though it has not been solved.
One of the books was very sad. It was sad because it preached tolerance. It preached tolerance rigidly. It believed it was tolerant that had none. It made me sad. Once I might have followed that route. Now I cannot. Even so the decision was already made not to. The decision was already made for me. By me. Still, it would have been niuce to find the other path also had its answers. All I found is that it had none for me. It was sad. If you are tolerant, you do not believe anything. Nothing is for belief. Tolerance is flexibility. It is not simply more liberal morality than the conventions of the time. Tolerance is flexibility independent of conventions of morality. So it was sad to see one thing called another. Sad because people will believe it because they have no tolerance.
If I ever believe anything, then I will have nothing that is useful. Nothing for myself, nothing for anybody else.