In a small group people stand to be people. There is youth here that does not relax into youth ceases to be youth here. There is something in young people that is inhibiting. Perhaps it is pride. Pride to be withdrawn so that there is no foolishness here. Perhaps that is what it is. There is a space here in youth anyway. Strange that there is a space here now there was not here before. Perhaps it grows from Peter. Peter sit silently now. The space that is here is flavoured quietly now by disappointment. Who is it it springs from here. There has been for almost four days now. It is rare for people to sit quietly for the sake of sitting quietly. Usually sitting quietly is for fear of doing anything more so. Secondly sitting quietly is to be noticed to be sitting quietly. It can also be sitting quietly to not reveal what is happening around. This is how it feels more so. It is not fear. It is not like to be noticed and also there is a part of that in it all. If it can be ready in people's faces and eyes it can be read in peoples face. If it is there it is there to be seen. If it is not there it cannot show.
There is also a silence here that is almost conspiratorial. The pain has made a silence between the two. Perhaps it can only be solved if we all go away for a moment. We all go away. That could not be arranged. Of the two, one has open eyes and one has closed. One is young to be young, the other is old to be old. If age followed its father youth followed its mother. There is a freedom here that will pay for its youth. There is a stagnation here that will not see a way forward until it is later. The bonds are soon to be so strongly financial it will be inescapable. It is sad to see families that will stay together too long to allow growth to occur. A long time ago there was Matthew who gently took part of the mantle from his family so gently but he was alone and somehow that makes it easier. Now there are two in both cases so perhaps one will escape the situation and the other will accept. If it is age that escapes it will enjoy its freedom and waste its chances. If it is youth it will lose its youth and grasp its chances. Those are the only two ways I can see for it.
So there is silence that is my inability to be nothing in this situation. For me to it would be impossible for anything to be nothing inside the gates. So it must be more so inside a house. My view is still not close enough to nothing. It is not yet close enough. That is how it comes to be.
Someone saw a flower bed I made last year and said it was pretty, yet it was never so. It grew slowly into partly flower but it has been a long time away from being in flower and there is really little there except bare soil and grass. So it was never really pretty. It was never much more than the conventional hope for prettiness. Yet that was how someone saw it.
Pete is very good at potting. He is also very pleased by how good he is at it. He is also difficult to provoke into expressing their opinion. It is very difficult always to get Peter to be anything but aloofly independent. Once in the front room it was warm and quiet and unexpected and then briefly it was just possible but that was only once ever. There is still a woodland. Still in my mind there is a woodland growing. It will soon be time for the woodland to grow again. It will soon be time for that. Already before it is planted it is 20 years old. Already it is old enough to be woodland. When I had the land ploughed so many years ago it was then that I should have planted the woodland more fully. That was when I should have done it for it to be quite effective now. This time it will have to be more so to plant in the grass with the way to protect it more from competition. This will perhaps only be by mowing pathways that can be sprayed off to kill it all. Possibly in that way the woodland can be allowed to grow more fully. If it can only be established already it will be 20 years old before it can be anything else at all.< br> It is the presence of now in then that will always be ready for confusion in all those things.