A long time ago there was a story of a man called Terry who was only just a man then. And now it is not really a story but collection of memories. And now in some ways they have a happy ending which they never did when they were a story. Terry came into it all quite by accident when he moved into a shared room next door to the room I shared with Hugh. And it was all by accident but later I found out that it was by design though we were just pawns in that game all of us. And I suppose I got to know Terry because of him sharing a room with Chris. Chris was studying philosophy because he wanted to know about philosophy and how other people had thought. And he very soon found out that all he would learn was the history of philosophy and the dates of the whole world's publications. And so after he shared a room with Terry he left and he may have become a Buddhist monk or again he may not it makes very little difference. And Terry was a physicist and though he didn't know it then he wanted to be a research physicist. And that is how one day I came to me Terry. And Terry was a good person to have as a friend because all in all he was entirely what he was and is a physicist he was not at all interested in the things he knew and understood, he was only interested in the things he did not understand and did not make sense. And he wasn't at all intimidated by what he didn't know he just took his enthusiasm and have a shot at it until he worked as it should and then it was no longer interesting to him. And always in Terry's mind there was a great gap between where he was at home with his parents and where he was staying. Around him where he was staying we were all of one sort or another and all of us manage to be happy to be equall in all this. I I think that was just after I bought my automatic kettle which is with me still and also switches itself off when it is ready. The amount of coffee that kettle has talked his way through in all these years is such. It has again been working as I write. And Terry was at home with his parents entirely surrounded by his family and the people he had grown up with. And that was where his girlfriend was. And if this was a story I could tell you her name. And she had grown up with his environment and Terry was always torn between two places. And in Terry the present was always the most important but still the past would never let him escape and so he had decided for his girlfriend that she would marry him. All of us who were equal to it understood that that could never be right by knowing in part Terry but there it was to be. And all this slowly went on in two years which is not here even two paragraphs so is there space to talk about exponential growth of fuchsias or walking in the dark. Is there time here for the atom bomb which was really Chris, or of making pancakes. Perhaps not really. It all went on for two years and became very close so that in all it was enough in understanding. And perhaps he even saw Hugh being hung out of the window by his ankles and the round log of cedar arrive which is still with me now. And then one day he Terry's girlfriend who be expected to marry but she knew it could never work anyway she moved in with another man. So Terry drank a bottle of vodka and cut his wrists although he didn't succeed very well and jumped into a lake during February. And he had drunk too much to be at all successful. Quite by accident somebody who was also turning into a physicist watched it all And Finally what was left was brought to my door. And so all through that night until about five in the morning I talked to Terry until he felt quite asleep through all the tiredness and so finally I fell asleep as well except I had to make do on the floor and it was not so much a sleep as a dormant worry. And slowly over the next few days Terry came back to be sad but more or less coping. And after that I hardly ever saw Terry again and went by chance I did he always moved on. So that is how it was. You see in caring too much I had touched Terry deeper than he wanted to be seen and finally that became more to him than the girl who had left and his cut wrists. Neither of those had really reached very far into him but this by caring had touched him very deeply. So he had to leave me all behind and he did and that was as it had to be. Even then I understood that was how it would have to be. And Terry had to make a new friend he did not know who would be able to help the next time it was help he needed as he would. But I became the past by that and inseparable from the act. And Terry always understood the present and is simply left me behind. So if I Care even now that Terry is well I know there is no future part I will ever play so instead of a story all I can ever be is memories in the past. And now is the time because it is time for memories because now. Because now Peter reminds me of Terry and he is also carrying it all with him and if anything I do touches Peter he will have to leave it all in the past again shortly. And this weekend part of his six months ago is coming to see him and he will either be a good thing for that or he will see the spaces again and be alone. So time moves on and things move away. All the faces change so quickly unless there is a commitment to them all.