I have written an essay about the Caribbean that is going to be the best literature submitted but probably the least likely to be noticed. Of I have been sitting around drinking a cup of coffee and eating a bar of chocolate and now it is over gone.
Later on I'm going to give a short talk about snowdrops to the local alpine garden society. It is nice to pick out pictures and plants to take. It would be nice to think they could share the pleasure but I doubt it is in many of them.
I have been carrying around with me the face to solve the problem. That is to say to look at me from the inside or the outside I have been wearing a face to solve a problem face. I have not been anywhere to be me but to be a solve a problem. That is why it has not felt genuine in me. To be me and to listen to a problem as a way of allowing a problem to be expressed fully in words is what it is. To be a face to which a problem can be expressed in detail and to provoke ideas to see it fully is me but to see me as a solve a problem is not right. To be there to listen is to be there to make a problem turn into words so that it is made firmer at the surroundings it is not to provide a solution but to make it clearer and allow understanding it more fully because finally that will lead to acceptance. To be a solve a problem person is not right is not to be genuine. It is the something in me that was needing to be solved. For me to be a solve a problem person was to help with my own problem which is usually insecurity in one way or another. It is because of a problem that is in me not in you it is wrong to be so. To say you have a problem and I am here to solve it is to make the problem grow and to offer a solution that is not real that is not possible from me. That is how I have been carrying around a solve a problem from the inside and from the outside. And by being like that I have become a small part of an institutionalised care attitude that I object to but did not stop growing in me.
I want to be very sharp with Peter. He is doing what I was doing but he has always done it. I want to be very sharp to snap him back into what it should be. A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing. If I have that it is so but Peter also has that an because it is his only knowledge it is all he uses and it is a very dangerous thing. What he is doing is being more than a listen but by being a solve a problem person is creating a problem. He has a technique which is good for some problems in solve a problem but in using it he is getting into deeper water by becoming in himself a solve a problem. And the deeper water is in himself. Peter for what he is doing is creating a problem but it would not be seen so because of his insecurity if I am to be sharp with him. Then it would originally by resentment that he would see it in the end. In the end and really I know that because that would be how it is in me when I saw myself as a solve a problem person from the inside. But the problem here is Peter and because of how he chooses to see it. He is growing problems around him. By being as solve a problem face he is giving to people not a chance to sort out what it is that is worrying by putting it into words but instead he is letting them deposit the whole tangle on him to be solved or failed and the strain of that must be very painful. I must instead so because of this to give him the clues to see it gently and since he is frightened of me that will not at all be possible.
Now it must be for me to be me only and if that is seeing Peter and laughing that will be me because of what I want to do now. If it is a koan the sound of one hand clapping then had you solve a problem without imposing a solution. Naturally every problem has its solution and they are integral and inseparable. Without one the other cannot be. So it is done by revealing the true nature of the problem and so the true nature of the integral solution.
To see that over the past month I have come to see myself as a solving of the problem is had to be cutting myself up over the weekend. And pieces are now falling back together as they should be more to without all the twisting and knotting and tensions inside they had before which a cut now. Those ties are cut. And understanding I had to be positive was fine but it was a little knowledge but it saw myself therefore as a problem and that was wrong. Instead it was positive it should have been positive by always being so.
Peter by his emotion for another reason it is emotion but it allows Andrew and Bob to by empathise with emotions shown linked. That would otherwise be very difficult for them to show and still be alive so it is better by displaced it is good. So it is positive for Peter to react so even.
The laughing is again. The Gordian knot. If I could give you this I would give you all it took to get it freely whatever that is. And it is so funny that you see that as threatening and always pull away. Me. Threatening. Ha. As if there was anything I could hurt except by accident.