Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? What is the meaning of life? That is something that could stand alone and not need to be anything with it at all but to build the thought over it again and again but as it is it is not but supported here. Now there has been a lot to come about what is personal for people and that is why the question has to be asked like that.
Now the Moon is very bright tonight outside. I am sitting in an electric light brighter writing by the side of a candle flickering just because I like it. It flickers by the windows and is warmer in the mind writing than it is without. In the moonlight only that was very bright and things that are seen in moonlight are not seen in not moonlight. Vision then is something that it is not at other times. Also that perhaps usually it is colder but for me always it is less specific but more acute and much more real so much more. It was quite remarkable for me to be coming round a corner too fast in the moonlight in the car in the relaxed frame of mind and to suddenly find a badger running sideways to me and then it was all gone. The candle burns down to the base and goes out so that a new one can be pushed into the soft wax and it relights warmth in the mind. Fast the badger swerve the mind back to the badger swerve the car. Relaxing gently afterwards because it was the first time I had seen a whole badger all put together. Before now it had always been pieces of badger some pieces disappearing into the distance and other pieces scattered by the roadside. And this was the first time whole and later two foxes with done friendly faces.
It is much easier to use external material so depend on that but it is all much flatter by itself that is all. By being external it can have no need for life.
In the dark the future is a series of white rectangles travelling under my wheels. It is already in boxes to be easier and so the future is boxed like the road and much less that simply travelling through the countryside. Before there was a badger with a black face and white stripes like rectangles on the road. And now in the moonlight it is only white rectangles like the future like the road. What future for you. Boxed.
What is it you were good at when you were younger. Was it people. Where do people start. Where do people start to then? These are the questions that have to be asked one time but probably not more. Is it stopped yet or still drifting. Are we all here now yet. Or is it started. Is it all started now. Is it stopped. Cannot be stopped. Cannot be started. Jokes. Perhaps there are just people. Perhaps I think not yet. Technique is too good rigidity. Is it not yet close in your is that not why not is it? This is it with people. Faces choosing not to be open. I don't think the drifting has started so I can't really help you. Anyway I can't really help you. It needs to drain. It can be a leap year without that being noticed. I am what I am when you take me upside down and everything else falls out. Not even if you shake me then. You are what you are when everything else has fallen out. Every winter after it comes the spring.
There are questions that have to be asked and to be asked is to remember what the answers are. And it was all written down in notes to help the remember the whole questions because the be having a mind and having a mind stay in one place for very long are mutually exclusive. So it already was written down and it had all become different. And it was testing what it was as a frame of reference and what was real and what was just written down. And testing what it was written in a frame against the frame of what is real and like testing of theories in science and so literature and science being so difficult and both not at all the same yet coming together to measure the rules. Because of that. And it was not the same in abstract.
So it all has to be change in me to gone out and that is to change. So to go out is to change. And the thought is all new and the viewpoint and so new people and varied. Because to stay the same is rigid and rigid is to stop change and that is just all becoming not there anymore. It is not like nothing because nothing is nothing and that is good and as it should be but this is not. This is not good. This is I am here and then suddenly I am no longer. I am no longer at all. I went out this morning and when I came back I had gone. Rather like an out of body experience and before you get back they dispose of the body so on the back of your kidney donor card write 'gone away, back Tuesday week'. It can all be by being secure the same by repeating and this is repeating reducing things to nothing and in not being interesting and here he becomes rigid and then it is nothing. When I went out I was here but when I came back I had gone. But not like nothing. So to go out and change it all is to change the way the thoughts are and what they are. So if it does not change it all becomes the same and nothing new or unexpected so no change so rigidity so no nothing so when I came back I had gone.<
And at home it is not as it all needs to be for new because it is all stable and too comfortable for new thought to arrive so it is to go out and see what. And the best place to have a thought for New Is to be out somewhere. And the best place to express the thought is at home where it is comfortable and can all be followed up without fear and developed and it can all be new and interesting. So perhaps it is better to read when I am a out than to read when I am in by being more able for it to be new. And perhaps not. But to have the thought and to be new and interesting it is to be outside and where else it is. Green eyes by the side of the road in lay-bys which is jealousy in passing. Home is warmer in the mind not like new things.
That is what travelling is and why it is so important to be going somewhere to think. It is going somewhere that is known and easily found so easily. Because it is not needing to think always about where it is which is what it is if it is not known also no anticipation if it is known. That is what it is and why it is important and thinking in about half an hour is enough because after that it is not growing just continuing. It is not too much and not too little for the attention Span. To be so it is all creative and useful and does not reach to be dull. So it is all stop and then start. You live and then you die. And he can all be possible to be the same as going somewhere as is going somewhere. But he has to be really going somewhere because then there is no decision had to be made if any junction it does not matter at all. And that is very difficult to be but it is possible. It is just like a balance in life because it doesn't matter at all which path it follows it all balances out one way or another it is all the same so really there is no choice to make at all it is all very easy. But that is more difficult for useful thinking than knowing exactly where to go to so it takes no thought at all.
Now there are two other pieces to clear up for now and one of them is new and here it is. Sitting down where it is so to have arrived and looking there is one away there who is either alone or below it all. It is very clear to me that it is so and later it turns out that this person is a little bit of certainty. It is called a real human being which is very rare to find and with my mind in other directions for a while it is surprising to find it here at all. And later it turns out that this is a drug problem fighting to not be a drug problem and this is also fighting one way or the other. So it all starts with Peter doing the work very well and me being interrupting so as not to be formal. And it is young and not self confident and parents and all of those things that are as well as all the other problems and peer groups. So for me it is just to make contact to say hello. I saw you and now I have met you. And it is to build self confidence and give a foothold and so a chance to decide and for that decision to stay there. And that is when I wrote. This is the dream. The broken dream. The pieces of it. And the words for that didn't come until later. Anyway this is somebody drug problem and how he came to be somebody I don't know but still care because it is a very rare thing a human being. Behind every closed or lurks the Texas chainsaw massacre persons. Now for me it is best to allow a solution to become here. For Peter it is best to make a solution out of something. Something what I am not sure but I will think about that. So far out of something looking like empty promises and threats to me but who knows of what I see is what it is is what it is seen to be. Still it is clear that Peter needs to be involved in making a cure that is as much for him as for the drug problem person who is needed not to be a name.
This is the whole start of the story for solutions being made by institutions for their own reasons really not at all are anything to do with the person-of-the-problem but a cure for the curer. Physician heal thyself only. Anything else is a byproduct of expectations I think but I am not very popular for saying it. Still it is a lot of problems for both of them and by leaving it to Peter some of the problems will have cures made of something. And with luck they will cure the worst of the problems or try to. For me it would be better to allow the solution to arrive by keeping everything as real as possible until it did and not avoiding anything but it is closer for Peter to help so it is anyway probably better for Peter to do so.
And the second problem is still Cas and I really went out to pick Cas'mind by sitting in a room with him and looking at his face but it was not to be because he is very sensitive to it all and perhaps I don't think so but perhaps he noticed me do so but anyway he did not stay long after but went. And the drug-problem-person is a human being and so has interests and would like to write or paint or express it all and so it will be easy to build it in him by himself only really technique needs to be seen to be no more or less than technique which is putting words together right or wrong until it is right. Words come in sentences and thoughts come in paragraphs. Words are put next to each other until it is right and then it is a sentence. Words come in sentences. Sentences are put together until it is a thought. Words coming sentences, thoughts come in paragraphs. Then before you know it you have a paragraph and you start again with words.
Now Cas is much more difficult because his interests are all backward and in word and so for his birthday is a record that can reach backward and inward for me. And it is a long shot but it may reach him. You see Cas has decided to be a victim. He is a victim to his complexion and now he is a victim to his emotional problem. Now I understand it could all be nothing in him if he chose it but he has chosen to be a victim. So the record I have got is a long shot but it is a shot in the right direction. And the problem is that Cas has decided to be a victim and it is also his complexion in having suddenly noticed the acne and so it is also probably just discovering sexuality and all of those things that build guilt and choosing to be a victim. This is the problem that has to be untangled which is much more simple than I was afraid it might be. Tomorrow is Cas'birthday.