Telephoning can be very strange because of the way it is not unexpected but somehow it is. Suddenly without warning it is there and it is somebody and it could be anybody . So there is an attitude of mind that grows between ringing first and finding it being answered. And from that it goes to being exactly what it was to being totally receptive in case to being exactly what it is to being nothing and so starting again.
Anti smoking protesters in Brazil gave a man a cigar packed with explosive as a protest. When he lit it it blew up and vapourised his head. He vanished from the neck upwards. Out of convenience this has been designated a no smoking book.
Two boxes of books arrived and it is very difficult. They have from somebody who wants to sell them to me but there is too much money being asked and it will all have to be less certainly not all but it is a friend and though it is said to be all by negotiation it will be important for the money. And thinking about it perhaps it is too harsh a way but if it is only for the money it doesn't matter that it is a friend because it is not it is just for the money. Still the delivery was very strange by being people who are not at all at ease until my living room was stopped by being conversation. And the conversation was about bolts of lightning which had hit them both and a cowshed and twelve cows and all had fallen over. It was strange to see it all relax with this story about destruction but it was all familiar to them both in recounting that it was well rehearsed to come out together. How it is that it follows electricity cables and the telephone cables and the bleached granite where it was and the Lino tiles flying up from the floor and embedding into the ceiling. It was all there to be told also that lightning does strike twice in the same place because it is often so where it has come to be expected. Anyway it is Four Lanes which is the top of the hill.
There was the voice of my father on the telephone being more of him than ever it is to be so when I see him. This is very strange to think of the week in both be seen as frightened of each other though less so than before so the telephone is much easier for us both.
And then there was a man recommended to me for Escallonias and I recommend him to another as it was before to me.
Walking around is the best ever way of not having any money left afterwards I have ever found. For me it has become a new scarf and a record that might be interesting or might not but so far it is most disturbing to anything else happening no more. And all this is a way of not getting a record for Cas' birthday which anyway he will not like and I have been thinking about that.
You can understand it is to be now different to how it was then. Once upon a time it was museums and holes in the ground where did civilisations had been exhumed and put in glass cases. Then later it was museums and art galleries and theatres and finally by myself I came to libraries. Now many of these were not particularly good to me at the time but backwards it can be less so and it can all be accessible if it is wanted so. That which can be discarded can all be done so knowingly in that way. So even in not being wanted it is a record then that allows it to be knowingly discarded for now. And then when it does become right if that is what it does he can be knowingly picked up again. If that is what is wanted. Finally it comes to justify that to impose while allowing to be discarded. To impose such opportunities should be to be it all that it is. Not to be said that it is all right but to say that it is all there.
Then it is knowledge to discard not simply not knowledge to not know. It is rather like an argument which is good in not needing for either to be believed by just to exercise all the facts that can be used until something that can be all accepted. So for a birthday an argument. The purpose of all this is to provide reassurance where it was not before but this is such not a present not wanted it will be difficult. Then again this is such a thin lifeline in this that if it is picked up it will save all it. So it is at present with hope of what will probably not be wanted.
And speaking to Sue again but this has become a way to fill a space with warmth if it does not need to be conversation. And Sue thinks she has changed and it will be less than that but I say pigs might fly to myself. This is because it was sadly never nothing early enough but only by association with nothing. It has always been built by others and then bits are used but nothing very much is homegrown. Like a free range hen that wanders down into the corner shop and buys a dozen eggs to put in her nest to keep up a quota. It is making an appearance by using other people so easily. So it was warm but can never be nothing and is always rigid.