Not really that it is real. Not really that it is not real. The careful building of illusions in people. Images and illusions together and like painting are people. How odd but like. It is not having done it really that is only like technique. It is thinking that it could be done. So. It should be here that technique can stifle art. You see it is thinking that it can be done.
Waking up in the night drifting. It was an odd night with one thing and another. So. People who make fun of minorities do so because they have no sense of their own individuality. But of course is very simple and everybody knows it. It is all not coming to terms really with the concept of individuality. There really is only it can be emptiness.
This that I have just finished now is all mixed up and was most disturbing just as lines. It made me laugh again and again that was the only way out. Now it has been in blocks of colour. It is very disturbing now in a tame sort of way but I think it is growing. By not having enough quite it is more perhaps. In pieces all over it is very simple but it will not stay that way even knowing that. It is like walking the cliffs and looking over Hell's Mouth and the kittiwakes again. It is the same feeling in it. It is called 'I met this guy'at the moment and at hell's mouth it was really a bit of say goodbye again. So it is also strangely. If it is to be hung which ways to hang it. It should be on the floor on the ceiling because it's up and down and not on the canvas at all. This will all take some consideration but that is why it had to be signed on the back not on the front where could be up or down. That is not really decided yet for it all.
Growing up on the outskirts of London is just a thought. And moving to the outskirts of civilisation is the way it can feel. And it being the same in some ways so not being the same. And it all going backwards and regressing and it often being more forward than it was. Last night I had a bad dream again. I suppose.
Now it is pictures in all directions and for that it may be words are simpler but I think I have already done that in letters recently and he wasn't what I wanted if it wasn't too bad either. So it is for other ways of all directions that I will think about and so perhaps.